Eternity

Ever since he was a little boy, Jason wanted to marry and have a family. It was his deepest, darkest desire that he kept hidden form the world in fear of loosing it, getting it tainted by the filth of other people. In his innocence, he still understood that a dream like that could get lost in meaningless encounters, fade away in maturity or simply laughed about by others who didn’t share it.
He grew up and met a girl, he fell in love and then got heartbroken, just as things sometimes are. There were other girls too but none of them quite like the first one. They say first love it’s impossible to forget and Jason thought this was true. He finished school and got a degree; worked every day without complaining and build a life for himself. And he woke up one day to find he was 35 and still alone, the hallways of his house empty, the rooms echoing when he called names inside of them.
One day on his way back from the office (he walked a lot these days even though there was a car parked in his driveway), his nose buried in the phone like usual, checking his e-mails, he bumped into a girl who was walking from the opposite direction and laughing with her friend. Her head was turned so she didn’t see Jason coming straight at her and when she did, it was already too late. Her left side of the face smashed painfully to Jason’s chest and she almost cried out.
‘Oh my god, I am so sorry!’ he blurted out, tossing the phone into his pocket without bothering to lock the screen. ‘I wasn’t looking where I was walking. Are you alright?’
The girl kept clutching at her face so he bent over to look. ‘You… need something?’
She dropped her hands down furiously and frowned at him: ‘ For you to get out of my face!’ She spit out. ‘That hurt like hell!’
‘I’m sorry.’ Jason said straightening up.
‘And why the fuck are you so tall? If you were smaller, at least you would have taken some damage too! How is it that only me got pain?’
‘You look alright though…no bruise thankfully.’ He was starting to get uncomfortable.
‘Oh? So if it doesn’t show, it means it doesn’t hurt? Is that how things work? Jesus!’
Jason just looked at her, unsure what to do or say.
Then finally the frown softened and the girl smiled. ‘Ah, I’m just messing with you. It hurt alright, but it’s gone now. So…want to get a coffee? I was going in there anyway.’ She pointed towards the coffee shop that was across the street.
He looked at her like he was seeing the most weird thing evolution could have brought to existence.
‘I don’t know. I was going home from work. I’m kinda tired.’
‘At least you can have a coffee with me after the beating you just delivered!’
‘Beating? Wait a minute… this was an accident, what are we talking about?’
‘You hit me with your chest.’
‘You hit me with your face! I wasn’t the only one not paying attention, you know!’
‘Oh yes. But who experienced the most pain, huh? I win.’
Jason looked back at the crazy woman perplexed. What was she talking about? Why were they still chatting?
‘You’re fine now. So I wish you all the best. I really have to go home now.’ And with that, he walked passed the girl without a second glance back.
The day ran away as usual and he forgot all about the encounter. Until night arrived.
When his body finally relaxed and his head hit the pillow, his eyes closed and his mind started projecting flashbacks of the encounter with the weird girl, instead of sleeping. He tossed and turned, wishing to put away the stupid thoughts, begging for rest, but still hours passed until he finally slumbered.
Days passed and during each and every one of them Jason found himself thinking back at the girl, her weird words, the awkwardness. But also her frown, her brown hair, her green eyes. He began wondering how would she look smiling. Laughing. Moaning and calling his name in bed.
He shook his head. These thoughts weren’t healthy. He needed to focus and forget all about her. He wasn’t a horny teenager anymore. He had no business thinking about a girl like that. It was creepy.
But nevertheless, as soon as the day ended and it was time to go home, Jason found himself opening the door to the coffee shop and looking inside in hopes of seeing her. She wasn’t there of course. What were the chances? But he ordered a tea and sat by the window, checking his e-mails (what got him in this trouble in the first place!) and sipping from time to time from his cup.
He was so absorbed in his phone that he didn’t notice at first when the girl approached his table, crossed her arms and said:
‘Well, if it isn’t the man who hit me a couple of days back.’
Jason almost threw his cup at her, startled.
‘You!’ He only managed to say.
‘Yes! Me! What took you so long? Do you know how many coffees I had these last few days in hopes of seeing you again? I thought you would come here sooner!’
‘The…what do you mean?’ He asked.
‘You’re thick in the head, aren’t you? I came here everyday hopping to see you again. What even is your name?’
‘Jason.’
‘Nice to meet you Jason, I’m Diana.’
She offered him her hand and he shook it back. It was small and warm and her skin felt like silk. Her touch helped him relax. He leaned back with the cup warming his fingers now and smiled: ‘You’re a weird one, aren’t you?’
At that she only started laughing. ‘Finally he gets it! May I sit?’ She gestured towards the chair that was facing him. He nodded so she plopped down, taking her coat off in one swift move. Jason’s eyes instantly fell to her shoulders. Her bare shoulders. She was wearing some kind of fluffy sweater that came off her shoulders leaving them bare, her skin white and a flower tattoo peeking out from somewhere on her upper arm. But his eyes quickly snapped back at her face before she even had a chance to notice.
‘So what are you having?’ she asked pointing at his cup.
‘Oh, it’s tea.’
‘What kind?’
‘Black tea. The usual kind.’
‘Aha. Boring. No imagination.’
‘Is imagination required for tea?’ He asked half amused.
‘Imagination is required for everything. How do you think mankind advanced and got here? Surely not from drinking the same boring water from the river. Somebody had to go and try boiling those tea leaves to see what would happen.’
‘What would you have me drink then?’
‘Oh, no. Tea is fine. With milk I hope? You are definitely a tea guy.’
‘Why do you say that?’
‘Just…I don’t know. Something about you screams tea.’
Jason just looked back at her. He had no idea how to respond to that.
‘Anyway, enough of that. So why did you hit me?’
‘Hit you? We smashed into each other by accident! Why are you so dramatic?’
‘Just messing with you. But still…my nose took it hard. What is your chest made out of anyway? Metal? Oh! Are you one of those guys who like hitting the gym and talking about protein all the time?’
‘I assure you I am not. I run everyday and sometimes lift weights but not obsessed with it.’
Diana got up and sat on the chair that was next to him. ‘Let me see.’ She said and then added: ‘May I touch you, Jason?’
‘Touch me?’
‘Yeah, like…you know, not in a weird way. May I poke your chest?’
‘Poke my…? Oh, lord. OK then.’ He laughed setting the cup on the table. ‘Do your worst.’
She put her finger on the right side of his chest and pushed gentle at first then harder. And then she poked him once. Satisfied with the experiment, she went back to her seat without saying anything.
He looked at her and asked:
‘And?’
‘And what?’
‘What is your conclusion?’
‘About what?’
‘My chest!’
‘Oh, it’s a normal one.’ She shrugged.
Jason just looked back at her in astonishment.
‘That’s all you have to say?’
‘Yep.’
Jason took out his phone and looked at the time. It was getting late and he had stuff to do at home. A presentation he had to get ready for. But he didn’t want to leave. Not yet.
‘So why did you come here everyday looking for me?’
‘Isn’t it obvious, silly?’
Jason waited.
She lifted her eyes and looked at him. ‘Because I like you.’ She said on a serious tone. But then added giggling: ‘And… you chest’s power impressed me.’
Jason liked hearing that. He smiled back at her and felt his cheeks go red. Like a schoolgirl. So embarrassing.
‘Anyway, it’s late now and you need to go home. See you tomorrow same time?’ With that she got up and left without waiting for him to answer. He only managed to say: ‘I…yes, sure.’ But by the time he mumbled this, the girl was already opening the door and stepping outside. He sipped his tea and thought about her, her weird vibe, her beautiful shoulders. He wondered how her tattoo looked under the sleeve or if she had any others hidden.
Half an hour later he got up and went home.
The next day, as soon as his office hours finished, he grabbed his stuff and almost ran back to the coffee shop where he wasn’t surprised to see the girl seated at one of the tables, waiting for him. The talked a lot, this time sharing things about each other. They laughed together and he admired her sense of humor. The more they chatted, the less he thought she was strange. She was definitely different than what society deemed normal, but that only added to her charm.
It went on an on, day after day.
After a while, they exchanged phone numbers and started talking until late.
At one point, Jason wondered if he was falling in love.
Then one day she went home with him and as clothes feel to the floor and hands started touching bodies, the heat between them growing with each breath, he knew with certainty that he truly was in love. He lay her down onto his bed, kissing her neck and trailing his fingers over her tattoos (turns out she was almost covered in them), his tongue exploring every inch of her body, his legs pushing her thighs apart. And then he entered her and within her moans he realized that she felt so good around him that he never wanted to stop making love to her.
They kept at it for a long time and when the time came and they finished, the whole world seemed to pause, giving them time to recharge, to get back to everything that was around them.
Not long after that, it might have been a month or so, he confessed to her that he loved her. And she said ‘me too, silly’, like it had been obvious all along.
And then it happened. On his birthday, Diana looked up at him from the sofa where she was cuddled under a blanket and asked him what did he think about having a child?
‘A child?’ He said in wonder, with growing expectancy. ‘I’d love a child! Whenever we are ready…that is. What…about you?’ He asked not knowing if he really wanted an answer to that question.
‘Silly man. I am already pregnant.’ She laughed and Jason thought the sky had opened for him and the heavens had poured down onto his life. He bent over and picked her up with ease and danced with her in his arms. ‘You make me so happy,’ he whispered in her ear and she laughed like it was the most amusing thing in the world.
‘Now put me down. I need to talk to you.’ She said in a serious tone.
‘Yes, my love.’ He set her down back onto the couch and took a seat next to her, caressing her leg and looking at her face, waiting to hear what needed to be said.
‘Tell me, Jason, what was always your deepest most hidden desire?’
‘Ha, well, I don’t know. To win the lottery?’ He laughed.
She just looked back at him, one eyebrow lifted, waiting for a serious answer. He saw this and straightened up.
‘My deepest desire.’
‘Yes.’
‘I had many desires over the years, love.’
‘Yes, but there is only one that you truly wanted and never happened to you…isn’t I?’ Diana asked.
‘Yes. There is one. But I think it did came true. Or it’s about to anyway.’ He smiled and touched her lower abdomen.
‘Say it.’ She whispered.
‘I have always wanted a family. And children.’
‘Yes, Jason. And that wish of yours never happened. Even though you were such a good man.’ She looked at him with sad eyes.
‘Never too late. I’m getting it now. I have everything I have ever wished for right here next to me,’ he whispered and planted a kiss onto her forehead.
‘No.’ She said.
‘What do you mean no?’
‘Jason, it’s time for you to know. And to choose.’
‘Choose what? Is this one of your weird games again? Why do you do these all the time? You get me so confused!’ He laughed but he was getting nervous.’
‘Remember when you met me?’
‘Of course I remember! We bumped into each other and you said I hit you with my metal chest!’
‘And why do you think we bumped into each other?’ She tilted her head.
‘Because we weren’t paying attention to the road! Both of us if I might say!’
‘Yes, I was looking towards the coffee shop and you…what were you doing, Jason?’
‘I was…on my phone. Checking e-mails or something like that.’
‘Yes. Yes, you were. And then you crossed the street without lifting your eyes from your phone and didn’t see the car that was coming way too fast.’
‘What do you mean? I don’t understand what you are saying. Stop playing games. I don’t like where this is going.’
‘I am not playing games. And if you let your mind work a little bit, you will remember. How the car hit you. How you died and met me.’
And then it did hit him. The full memory of it. The flashing lights, the pain in the chest and the instant blackout. And then her. Complaining about hitting her nose into his chest.
‘How? Why?’ He managed to say.
‘You died, Jason. And I was there to greet you on the other side. You see…our job is simple. We either give to our assigned person whatever they most desired in their lifetime, or we take away their desire. Depending on how said person had been living their life. We give as much as the good in the person was. And we take as much as the evil that resides in their soul. Simple.’
‘I must be loosing my mind.’ But he knew he wasn’t. He felt it. Damn it, he understood it with clear certainty. ‘So…what are you? Some kind of a grim reaper?’
‘Something like that. We take forms so we can fulfill the person’s dream. Yours was to fall in love and have a family. Somebody up there in management decided you’ve been good enough to get your wish in full. So I molded this form based on your previous partners and personal likes. We fell in love. And now…we are having a child.’
Jason looked in horror how Diana’s stomach grew in a few seconds, reaching a full nine month pregnant belly. He stumbled back and fell from the couch. He continued to stare at the woman without knowing what to say. After a few minutes he managed to access his voice again:
‘So you say I am dead?’
‘Very much so.’
‘How long have I been dead?’
‘Only a few minutes.’
‘But….we had months together!’
‘Yes, time passes differently on this side. It can go slower or faster, depending on what’s needed.’
‘And…this…our love? None of it it’s true?’
‘Oh, but it is! Don’t you feel it?’
He looked at her, her swollen belly, her smile and her pretty hair. He loved her. But what if he loved a lie?
‘But…you’re not…what is your form? You said you took this form…’
‘I am not that anymore. It is not something I can explain using human words. You wouldn’t understand. You couldn’t possibly. This is what I am. I am Diana, your love. And I am growing you child inside of me. And your dream? It’s still possible, Jason. We can live here, forever young, with children that stay whatever age you wish. And you can be happy. You deserve to be happy, Jason. Or you could go back.’
‘Back to…what? Life?’
‘Oh, no, that is not possible. Your body died. If you go back to it, you embrace eternity and oblivion.’
Jason stared back at her. He felt a little something tickling inside of his mind.
‘So my choices are: live a lie or stop existing altogether?’
‘You cannot live. You died. But yes, those are your choices. Stay here with me and be happy or… leave. Simple enough.’
‘Why did you have to tell me then? Why couldn’t you just….keep it a secret?’
‘Because eventually your mind would have brought forward what had happened and it could have been disastrous. Trust me, we’ve seen this before and it’s not nice.’
‘So is this heaven?’
‘For you. For others it’s hell. This place takes forms too.’
‘If I say yes, will I forget the dying part?’
‘Oh no, you will always know. Forever.’
Jason looked at Diana and the woman stared back. He felt numb. And small. Insignificant.
But the truth was simple. How could he say no to a life of happiness when the other choice was so finite? He didn’t want to stop existing, even it it was in this weird purgatory where his desire was being offered by some kind of a grim reaper in the shape of a beautiful woman.
So he said yes and she smiled and they went back to their existence like nothing of importance had happened.
And years passed, or so it felt, Jason couldn’t know for sure now that he understood that his surroundings weren’t really part of life. His children (four in total) grew and then stayed like that, just like it was promised. They remained 16, 13, 11 and 9. Perfect little angels with black hair and blue eyes like their mother’s. His days were filled with laughter and joy. At night, he loved his woman with all his might even though part of him started to wonder what really was this creature wriggling underneath him or jumping on top of him, her perfect created tits wobbling up and down deliciously?
But he continued existing in his perfect little bubble, eating food that tasted just like he remembered it, sleeping even though he probably didn’t need it, enjoying whatever came towards him.
After a while it became monotonous.
That’s when Jason started to question his decision. What if this existence was not heaven but hell? Knowing there is no end to it, no finality, it made everything that had happened pointless. Why have children if they won’t grow up and take their place in the circle of life? Why wake up every day for the same old shit that kept repeating like a broken record? All the good things started to feel dull. They did not bring excitement anymore. He wondered if this is how rich people that had everything they wished for felt like. Only it was worse for him. His whole life was meaningless. Devoid of purpose.
And at one point, Jason decided he didn’t want it anymore. He wanted the void, the oblivion.
But it wasn’t until one faithful morning that he actually did something about it.
When he woke up, the sun was shining through the open window like it always did every single morning. There was a nice Spring smell in the air and some birds were singing mating songs somewhere outside. But is it really outside and inside? He thought briefly. He got up from the bed and went into the shower were Diana was already waiting for him. Like every morning since they’ve been together in this house. Since he had decided he wanted this fucked up life. Existence. Or whatever it was supposed to be.
‘Hello, beautiful’ The creature with a human body said.
‘Hello back’, he said and wrapped his arms around her waist. His body pressed to hers and he got hard just like he did every single morning.
‘Somebody is excited for a new day’, the creature smiled.
‘Yeah, sure’, Jason said and he pushed her head hard onto the tile and entered her without being gentle.
‘Whoa, slow down, mister’, the creature cried.
‘I think I’m going to take it rough today,’ he growled and started pumping into her with ferocity.
‘Maybe we should take this to the bed?’ She said, but Jason didn’t hear her or maybe he didn’t even care at this point. He kept at it like a maniac, didn’t even stop when she tried to turn around. He held her in place and pushed and pushed until he was finished but the climax didn’t satisfy him this time. It was empty pleasure. He cleaned himself and went back into the room to get changed, an idea getting shape in his mind now.
Diana followed shortly after, her eyes red as if she had been crying. Like monsters can really cry, he thought. She sat on the bed, with the towel around her, looking at him. Waiting for him to say something. To get her in his arms. To do something.
Instead he just stared at her, a look of content on his face, turned around and left the room without even saying a word.
Outside, the sun was shining. Jason put his sunglasses and started down the path in font of their house.
‘Where are you going?’ He heard the woman call after him. He didn’t bother answer. Where he was going was none of her business.
Ten minutes later he was there. The intersection where it all started. Where the car had hit him, sending him flying, his guts squished inside of his torso, his legs bent at impossible ankles, his face a mess. He remembered now, all to clear, the pain from the impact, the panic that coursed through his body and finally the black. It had been horrible. And to have all that memory in your mind everyday it was torture. He didn’t want it anymore. He didn’t want any of it anymore.
‘Fuck this.’ He said to nobody. People turned their heads toward him and looked. But of course there weren’t real people, were they? No, they were constructs, forms that appeared for his own benefit. ‘Fuck you!’ He said to a man, flipping the finger. ‘And fuck you, you stupid child!’ He screamed towards a six year old that started crying immediately, hugging his mother’s leg.
‘What’s wrong with you?’ The woman shouted back. Now almost all of them seemed to be frowning and shooting him disapproving looks. Jason didn’t care. He had stopped caring about any of this the moment his eyes opened this morning.
‘You can all go fuck yourselves!’ He laughed and turned to go back home.
But instead of that he bumped into Diana, her face squished in anger, her fists clenched. It was exactly like that day when he thought he had met the woman of his dreams. Oh, the stupidity of him! Jason felt dumb. Such an idiot!
‘Last chance for you to apologize to everybody and come back home. You hurt me, you know?’ She said in a small voice.
‘Hurt you? You’re not even real!’
‘Real? Have somebody dropped a brick onto your head, Jason? What is real? The love we shared for the last twenty years? The kids we have at home? Every day we touched, every day we laughed together?’
‘None of that is fucking real, you monster! What even are you? You’re not a woman. Hurt you! Ha! How can I hurt something like you that takes whatever form it wants?’
‘You stupid man! I am not a monster! I am a fucking human like you!’
‘I don’t believe that! He shouted and pushed her hard.
Diana fell on her bottom, a look of shock on her face. She opened her mouth to say something, but he was already on top of her, his hands around her neck as he squeezed hard, veins bulging from his neck, his eyes bloodshot.
‘Die, you fucking monster! Show me your true form!’
The creature struggled underneath him but he could feel her getting weaker and weaker. He squeezed even harder, putting his weight into it, hoping that finally he would get rid of this monster, this lie, this stupid idea of heaven.
But then a couple of strong hands grabbed him and he was being hauled away. He fought back but it was impossible to escape the tight grip. His vision blurred and he passed out.
And when he came back, he was slumped on a chair, Diana in front of him, arms crossed, frowning, purple around her neck.
‘Why don’t you shake off the disguise, you monster?’
‘I will.’ She said. ‘But first, you need to remember what you just lost.’
Memories of his babies being born invaded his mind. Their first steps, the laughs, the hugs, the crying, the books read with them in their arms, the games played. He saw with great clarity the sunshine days, the walks in the park, the picnics. He felt the taste of the strawberries on his tongue, the smell of flowers from the garden. And he felt the touch of her hands, the gentle caress, the love making, the cuddling. The safe.
And then it was over.
He was back in his chair, the woman in front of him a stranger.
‘Who the fuck are you?’
Diana’s voice came through he stranger’s lips: ‘I am your wife, you idiot. This is my true form. Not your type, sure, but a human alright. I am not a monster. And…you…hurt me!’
Jason stared, his mouth opened. The fuck was happening?
‘I did some bad things in my own life. And I was offered a choice. Continue through hell here or become this…thing that deals with good people, that offers them their heaven. For me, there was no choice of oblivion. Too much bad shit I left back there, among the living. So naturally I picked this. You are number twelve. And you know what? You are all the same! You cannot choose real death so you clung onto this fictional life and when you get bored you start acting like assholes or try to kill me or yourselves. Inevitably, you all get to this point. And that… is my hell. Such a fucking joke. Getting beaten, raped, killed over and over again. But it all comes to this end, where I can finally get revenge. I think this is why I have been chosen, Jason. I used to kill people back then, poison them. Can’t remember the exact number, but it was a lot of people. Here…I can’t do that anymore. But I can send you back to this!’
As she said this, her cold fingers touched his forehead.
And he was back at the moment of his death, only this time he was aware of it all. He didn’t see the car coming, because his eyes were fixated on his phone screen, but he knew it was coming so he tried to will himself to look, to throw the damned thing away. But alas he could not. So the Volvo hit him full force and the agony from the impact invaded every single fiber of his being. He wanted to scream as he was flying through the air, but then he landed on cement, his arms and legs breaking in all the places, blood gathering in his throat. And he thought: ‘This is it. Finally, oblivion. I am ready.’
But as soon as the dark covered his vision, he blinked and he was back on the street, walking, his eyes on his phone screen. He only had time to think ‘Oh, God, no. Not this again’ before the car hit him again. The pain had the same intensity. And while he was flying through air, blood and meat inside his torso like a stew, he heard her giggling.
Diana was sitting on a chair outside the coffee shop, a warm cup in her hands, laughing.

                            THE END